Jun 5 24
Besides my illness I’m back in the throes and tedium of my normal life. I feel neutral being back. I was worried that I would be depressed at my return to the quotidian and American, but (again, besides my illness) things have felt reasonably okay. Its been helpful that I’ve had some work to come back to, and some work popping up immediately upon my return.
Besides that, I’ve retained a bit of the sense of enchantment one gets when traveling. I’m beginning to suspect that there is something supernatural about the subway stop near my house. The first thing I noticed was a fluorescent lightbulb acting in a way I wasn’t aware they could- similar to the arc of electricity across a tube of noble gas.
I took a video to ask my friends who knew more about lighting and also physics what might be happening, but I haven’t gotten an explanation.
It reminds me of another electrical malfunction I used to watch a lot waiting for the L train at Broadway junction, when I used to live off the L- there are two LED street lights overlooking the broad sleeping quarters of the NYC buses which are either getting inadequate power, or are otherwise on some sort of malfunctioning circuit, and they flicker in an interesting chaotic pattern which seems to go in and out of phase. I always wanted to record this and do some analysis as to the actual wave functions, but I never did and probably never will.
I believe this fluorescent phenomenon in the video occurs because unequal heat distribution in the gas medium inside the tube creates an unequal pattern of resistance, and as the current follows the path of least resistance it pushes the heat differential around. I got curious if I could replicate it reliably, but the problem with this is that its self stabilizing. Maybe if I ran either a coolant or a warming apparatus along a line of the tube I could make it stable, but I’m not sure.
I find it quite beautiful either way, and am glad I noticed it. It’s felt in general that I’ve been more attentive to my surroundings, and I credit the habits one takes with them on foreign travels.
I think often of the absolute social need for reenchantment in this era which feel vacuated with meaning. I like the sensation of seeing interesting things in the relative mundanity around me. This impulse is why I felt necessary to argue (with myself) about Tao Lin’s antimaterialism. I just think its too important a matter to accept anything that isn’t suffused with truth. Too many alternatives to seeing ourselves merely as biological automata on a gigantic stone strike me as wishful thinking, or worse yet, dangerous superstition.
Today, on my way to work, I saw a little bit of a disturbing sight that stopped me dead. A dead pigeon with its foot caught on some sort of string or twine was hanging from one of the i-beams.
It reminded me for an instant of the horrific images I see out of Juarez, where the victims of the narcos hang from overpasses as a warning. I don’t think this bird is the victim of a pigeon cartel, but the gruesome oddity of the pigeon corpse happening to be caught by the foot on a wire. So, mixed results from my recent attentive openness. Will be interested to see if this continues.
Today I’m at the hotel for a screening. I resent the fact that I have to be here while being so sick but I’m just going to have to play three movies, which is similar to what I might have done if I stayed home. I worry that the films will be bad, in which case it will be a worse shift than if I were overrun by tasks.