I was going through a phase where I didn’t care about the diary at all and felt no pressure to do anything about it, and interestingly I have now experienced by far the most serious consequence from the whole project. This person who I’ve worked for twice, and who I was going to work for tomorrow texted me this morning furious and hurt because of what I had written about her. Fair enough. As far as what I said goes it was mean but not nasty. I used the word ‘idiot’ which I regret saying. I was just frustrated that day. I was working with her for the possibility of later doing a particular project where I could do more sound recording, which I am really trying to expand my experience with, but that project seems to have fallen through anyway, and I was frustrated because I just had to stay in the car the entire day. Its pretty normal as a PA to do that but I felt low rent and stupid and so forth.
I certainly can’t say I’m surprised that this happened, and I have only myself to blame, but it definitely does not make me want to stop writing the diary. I feel bad and ashamed and foolish but the whole thing is sort of interesting. On the one hand she is totally valid to be upset at me, but she’s doing this thing where she blocked me and then has been popping up texting me conversations shes had with another person and theyre discussing how I’m bad and creepy and stupid (very possibly all true!) and also sneak dissing like a bitch (which I would dispute bc I didnt use her name and if she hadnt pored through the damn thing noone would really know about it) so I’ve had to block her. I also didn’t apologize effusively at first because I was driving away from montreal so my subsequent well thought out statement didn’t go through. Ultimately the consequences arent drastic, but I feel bad for having hurt another person. Not to let myself too off the hook, but the way she was talking about it I thought it was going to be much nastier. I also didnt remember posting this so I clearly didnt think the same thing even a day later. I looked back and I was sort of relieved.
This is the post if your interested:
I really don’t like conflict and I’m bad at feeling bad. Feel very bad now but can’t deny that I set myself up for this. Rubber meets road or something. Have to break a few eggs to make autofiction. If you are reading this I am sorry but I had to block you because I can’t even respond to your texts
Writing helps you lose jobs
Funny thing is, she is being creepy by scouring your diary for this entry where she’s not even named. So she calls you a creep. I’d also be annoyed if someone was telling me I needed to watch some gory political-sounding vid I’ve already said I don’t want to watch. I’m annoyed every time people have self-congratulatory conversations like the one you described. Everyone is a little idiotic and it sounds like this woman is insecure and at odds with her inner idiot