Jun 18 24
I worked more on my set in the morning. I felt sluggish and miasmatic as I have been a lot recently. Maybe its the summer beginning or an allergic response. I felt like I had begun to be productive in musical terms but before long I had to go to work. They schedule me at the hotel sometimes at a weird time- today at 3:30, which was in the middle of an event. It’s always because I’m almost scheduled for 40 hours for the week and they don’t want to pay me overtime.
I got in and I was thrown off a bit because I had forgotten that I was going to post this video of a performance I did at the same time as the gallery I performed with. I immediately had to sit down and spin out a quick instagram post1.
In the midst of feeling pulled away and distracted I got ushered by my coworker I was taking over from who showed me the load-out that the crew who came in had done. He showed me all these lights and some audio stuff, but in particular I was struck by a great number of washing machines and dryers which peppered the venue. When I actually walked into the main hall I found myself in the midst of a slideshow with the current slide titled Lets Defer Estate Tax — Good Luck IRS!2
The presenter was animated and engaging and was railing on how important estate planning is. The example he was in the middle of was his preference for putting one’s money in a sheltered fund which pays off in such a way to minimize inheritance tax. He was adding also that he knew when he died that scammers and thieves were going to come out of the woodwork to target his wife, whose relative ignorance of the company’s finances would make her a possible vector for fraud.
He started then to talk about how important it was to accept one’s mortality. He said that he had accepted that he would one day die, and in spite of how much he loved life, and his industry3 and so on, he had to reckon with the basic impermanence of existence. For this reason, he said, you should start working on your trust sooner rather than later. It helps you face things you never wanted to consider, but that are nevertheless problems.
Afterwards there was supposed to be the keystone event- which was going to be a demonstration of how to program a new coin operated laundry unit, but this was cancelled. I was told by the production team that everyone came in for the earlier discussion on basic investment strategies. I gathered that the guests were laundromat equipment distributors. We get a good number of these events of bourgeois rent seekers coming together at the hotel, and they’re full of the exact kind of people one could expect.
I always want these people to surprise me by how evil or inspiring or anything but banal they are, but they rarely do4. Whenever I see these groups of rent seekers (which is precisely, in the case of laundry machine distributors and financiers, what these people are) I feel left out. Should I be doing something arcane and specific that just pulls in money? Am I too stupid to have a job like that? Of course on the other side of it I can think of myself as a real person who offers a variety of services (or at certain points in my life, is involved in the manufacturing of goods) which people pay for. I can wrap my head around that worth that I am paid for. I’m eliminating the part of the equation where I sell my time in the pursuit of these things, but I still feel better knowing why exactly I am being valued and for it to not just feel like a scam.
At the same time, these people are clearly idiots, and I don’t think they’re any harder working than me. They just do seem happier and less encumbered. The guy was talking about how much ‘the industry’ had given to him and his family, how much he cared about the people working in it. The laundry distribution ‘industry’? It makes me feel a bit petty and small that I have apparently made so many choices to work on things that are “meaningful” or “interesting” because that basically amounts to irrationally taking a lower income for prestige. It would be a bit forgivable if I was succeeding in my vague efforts, but it currently doesn’t feel that way.
One other notable thing was that one of their slides looked like this:
The whole thing felt carnivalesque and surreal. The washing machines were going the whole time with no heat on, flipping a bunch of purpose-bought microfiber clothes. It makes me want to reevaluate my life, but my mind draws a blank other than my new anxiety about not talking to an estate planning lawyer.
I can’t find coverage for the shift I’m scheduled during the day I’m supposed to play the show, this Sunday. I have a feeling that it means I won’t be able to do it. Its forgivable to not be able to play a show, but I don’t think I can forego any opportunity that comes by. It doesn’t feel like I’m making any progress. My diary isn’t doing that well, and I haven’t gotten any subscribers in a good while. My instagram posts are failing, I’m too busy looking after consortiums of laundry magnates to play shows, I can’t get enough production work, I’m no closer to making my film. I didn’t hear back from the last publication I submitted to. I feel like I’m flailing a little bit. I need to get some sort of focus or an objective that really grabs me.
Currently it has a grand total of 18 likes, which is a bit depressing
I’m sure its a bad idea to give these job related specifics but I think its probably fine in this case.
I assume his industry is laundry related, but I’m still not precisely sure what it is.
I was told, on the contrary, that during the previous night (which I didn’t work), an individual started chanting “USA! USA!” at the bar and then got into some sort of racially motivated altercation, but I missed the fun.